It's been literally over a month since I last blogged. Woops..I fail! Anyway.
This would be entirely way too long to write about everything that's happened this past month. Basically...God is entirely too good. He has this habit of surprising me and invading every little detail of my life. Indescribable, amazing God <3
So, I'll just stick to the details of today. Fully "recovered" from the girl's beach weekend. Definately slept from 8 to about 10 this morning :) And the weekend was so, so great! Yay memories, endless crazy bonding time, the beach, Jesus, and absolutely beautiful, amazing girls!!!
Over the weekend, I also got my financial aid stuff from Lee in the mail. There was that scholarship drawing thing, and two different stafford loans. So today I sat down and looked into the financial part of my education in more detail. Had to sit for close to 2 hours and do this loan counseling quiz thing that makes sure you understand what you're really doing when you get a loan. Then spent another hour trying to explain everything to my mom and trying to figure out which loan to apply for. Totally overwhelming. Money is definately NOT my thing. So when I have to sit down for a couple hours and think about it? Yup. Overwhelmed. But, at least now I understand (hopefully) everything and we actually applied for one with chase.
And I think the biggest thing for me though is that it's actually done and set. Aside from figuring out how paying Lee works through the loan, and maybe another scholarship, it's pretty much all worked out and I'll be paid for. I'm actually going away to college. It's crazy to think about.
Only like 3 more months left...now THAT is insane. I can hardly still really wrap my head around that. Where in the world does time go?
Then, work. I locked my car keys in my car. AGAIN. This time with my lights on. Perfect. Where was my head? Luckily my dad and my bro were already out and they came and rescued my car for me. Who needs AAA?? Hehe! My dad also gave me a spare key to keep in my purse...HOPEFULLY I wont have to use it. But at least it's there :)
Anyway. Work as (almost) always, was great. I dont think I could ever get tired of hearing kids laugh. It's one of those amazing sounds that kind of fills the room and bounces off the walls, and somehow you always end up laughing too. Ohh and their big smiles. And when they plop down in your lap and beg you to read the same story for the 50th time or tickle them over and over for an hour. Or when they look at you with a crooked grin and a giggle, say "I'm gonna get you Ms. Ashwee!" and tackle you. Some days, like today, I love my job. Kids are irresistable! :)
Then I was supposed to go to small group. But my brother begged me to come home and make a dessert with him and watch a movie. Sooo I did. LOVE me some brother time! :)
So that was my day. Probably gonna try to go to bed sometime soon.
Hopefully I'll be back sooner than a month and keep ya'll updated..... :)
Monday, May 4, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Yay God :)
So tonight, I had to end up canceling small group becuase only one girl was coming. Which was kind of a bummer. But, instead, I had the chance to go to a worship service at the Mission Baltimore, where Eddie James and his ministry were leading the worship.
When I got there, I went to take out my bible to put it on my seat and realized I didnt have my keys. So I go outside, and there they are....still in my ignition! Yup. I locked my keys in the car. Oh man I was bummed. For some reason, when I do stuff like that, I tend to think my parents are gonna be mad at me or something. Especially since the area where the center is isnt exactly the greatest and they already are worried for my safety. And then I go and lock my keys in my car. I kinda get mad at myself and feel irresponsible, and then it kinda puts me on edge. No idea why.
So I came home and was thinking about it. And God totally was like, "take a chill pill! Stuff like that happens. NO WORRIES!" I need to remember that more often...and not take myself so seriously.
So my parents did come and unlock the car and I got my keys :) and, of course, contrary to my worries, they werent even the tiniest bit upset. Not even annoyed. Stupid, silly worry!
ANYWAY. So service.
One of the themes I guess you could say of the night was just freedom and healing from things that keep you away from where God's calling you, that keep you from living that abundant life He gives. It was such a huge blessing to be there to see lives being touched and changed and transformed. Prayer is truly a powerful thing!
And, through seeing that, He reminded me of the some of things He's freed me from, the chains He's broken. Reminded me of His love. Reminded me of the freedom He's given me.
Remembering all of those things has a way of restoring your focus, and making you realize God's really truly got you in His hands and loves you beyond comprehension.
It kinda captures your heart all over again, to worship and adore him and live for Him all the more.
Yay God!!!!!!
Overall, it was just absolutely wonderful just to be in a place where everyone shared that heart to worship Him, know Him, seek Him...go deeper with Him.
And, just to be in God's presence in the first place. That alone, is more than enough.
It really makes me want to go to heaven!
and love Him with everything <3
But yea. I just wanted to share that :)
When I got there, I went to take out my bible to put it on my seat and realized I didnt have my keys. So I go outside, and there they are....still in my ignition! Yup. I locked my keys in the car. Oh man I was bummed. For some reason, when I do stuff like that, I tend to think my parents are gonna be mad at me or something. Especially since the area where the center is isnt exactly the greatest and they already are worried for my safety. And then I go and lock my keys in my car. I kinda get mad at myself and feel irresponsible, and then it kinda puts me on edge. No idea why.
So I came home and was thinking about it. And God totally was like, "take a chill pill! Stuff like that happens. NO WORRIES!" I need to remember that more often...and not take myself so seriously.
So my parents did come and unlock the car and I got my keys :) and, of course, contrary to my worries, they werent even the tiniest bit upset. Not even annoyed. Stupid, silly worry!
ANYWAY. So service.
One of the themes I guess you could say of the night was just freedom and healing from things that keep you away from where God's calling you, that keep you from living that abundant life He gives. It was such a huge blessing to be there to see lives being touched and changed and transformed. Prayer is truly a powerful thing!
And, through seeing that, He reminded me of the some of things He's freed me from, the chains He's broken. Reminded me of His love. Reminded me of the freedom He's given me.
Remembering all of those things has a way of restoring your focus, and making you realize God's really truly got you in His hands and loves you beyond comprehension.
It kinda captures your heart all over again, to worship and adore him and live for Him all the more.
Yay God!!!!!!
Overall, it was just absolutely wonderful just to be in a place where everyone shared that heart to worship Him, know Him, seek Him...go deeper with Him.
And, just to be in God's presence in the first place. That alone, is more than enough.
It really makes me want to go to heaven!
and love Him with everything <3
But yea. I just wanted to share that :)
Sunday, March 15, 2009
A whole lot of Jesus
Yesterday, I had the amazing oppotunity to go to Lancaster, PA with a group of girls from my young adult small group. Yummy Cracker Barrel for lunch. Then, we went and saw Behold the Lamb (about the life of Christ), one of the Sight and Sound shows. And then spent 5 hours shopping. We actually closed the place out and had to be kicked out of a bathroom. Hehe! it really was SO so so much fun bonding together. Such a blessing!!!
Anyway. I was just thinking about the day and reflecting on the show we saw. The theatre itself, the stage, live animals (even a llama!), effects and use of technology, the talent of the people portraying the characters, the music...everything worked together to create this incredible experience. My mind was boggled at how they did some of the things. Like the stars above our heads when the disciples were talking at night. They looked like they were twinkling! Or, making Jesus walk on water by somehow infusing the actual stage with a video thing of a raging sea. SO COOL!
The most amazing thing though? In the midst of all of the talent, technology, artistry, and all of the details that go into making a show like that happen, God was at the center of it all. You could sense the presence of God in that place. Even before the show began, the announcer guy over the loudspeaker shared the heart of everyone participating the show...that somehow, through the show, we (the audience) would come to know Jesus more and to have a genuine relationship with Him. I was just blown away by the heart of, really, this ministry...rather than a production.
Another cool thing. You kind of feel like you're catching a glimpse of, maybe, what it was actually like to be there. Like a window, almost...however small. Sometimes, I feel like I've read and heard those stories and Christ's Words so much, I lose my sense of awe...like all those things are suddenly normal and not amazing anymore, everyday. Even that sense of spritual warfare raging for our souls. I find that all of these things sometimes become faded and more like pretty little stories and just a bunch of nice little sayings, rather than crystal clear real-to-life testimonies of the love of God, and the genuine, bold, rock-solid truth. Somehow, being taken back into time and seeing/hearing all of these things actually happen brought them to life again.
Like when Jesus healed the crippled man. He got up and danced around full of awe excaliming " I can walk! I'm healed! I can walk! " And he had so much joy! I couldnt get over the man's joy as he did cartwheels and a backflip and tried to dance. I know they took a little creative liscence, but really, what else could he have done? Again, I found myself almost astounded by his joy. I found myself thinking....where has MY joy gone? He's healed me of my own crippled parts....like fear and doubt. And death itself. I mean, I know we're not going to be happy and have good days all the time. BUT....there still should just be that deep, deep sense of peace..of God's presence just in all things, that drives me. Instead, i find myself distracted. And because of those distractions, de-amazed and de-awed. Oh boy! How I want to be captured and full of awe.
Or when Jesus cast those demons out of Mary Magdalene. Voice tech and an amazing actress have a way of really making things seem real. There was a part where, in the middle of the demons speaking, jesus asks for the woman's name and she barely squeeks out in answer to him with her real voice. Seeing that contrast, and then seeing how strikinlgy different her posture and very her being are after Jesus tells the demons to leave just had this way of again, making that attack, that struggle, her story so much more real. And again, even in my own life. He's freed me from my own demons. How soon I forget. Or, I don't really forget....I remember. It's just again, I see that loss of reverent and joyful awe.
And there's that one scene where jesus enters into Jerusalem and the people break out into song and dance, and sing and wave palms and shout Hosana. I suddenly really, really wanted to be in heaven, and do that forever. Then, at some point the priests butt in and shout for them to stop. And Jesus' reply? "if they didn't, the rocks would cry out with praise!" Rocks? They can't hear or see or feel. Yea, they're strong. But, most rocks have little to no color and get walked (and all kinds of other stuff) on. Rocks get stuck in your shoes. How can they praise him? But then I remember. Just that fact that God created them, they have to, no MUST praise him. Again....where's my own urgency to sing His praises and shout His name? I need to be like a rock!
And then, there's the last supper. I noticed somthing I never really noticed before. That meal, that passover meal, was completely normal. Even though they were celebrating that special occasion of Passover back with Moses and the Isrealites, they still broke the same bread and drank the same wine together probably every night. God reminded me to remember him in the small things, in every single little detail of my life. Even the seemingly normal and mundane and everyday things like eating and drinking. He longs to be a part of it all.
And then, leading up to and durring his crucifixion...
1) Peter denied Christ three times, even after being told he would and refusing to beleive it. How often do I do the very same thing when I deliberately choose to disobey His voice and do what I want to do anyway? Like when I go ahead and gossip anway. Or let certain thoughts linger anyway. Or waste my time on meaningless things anyway. They are so much the same things.
2) I was struck by how much suffering and torment Jesus went through. From sweating blood and crying out to the Lord in agony, without the support of his freinds who would rather sleep than support Him. He was so alone. To carrying the cross and being mocked and cursed by the same people who saw his miracles. To carrying the weight of sin itself on his shoulders. All undeserved. When I looked at the cross at one point, in my head I could hear my sins being named as he hung there in agony. It makes your heart break. Truly, truly, truly, I did NOT, in any way shape or form, deserve what he did for me. It's so hard to even try to grasp that.
4) After he was taken off the cross, there was a scene where Mary, his mother, held him and bitterly wept over him. Suddenly, I had this thought...No one saw God, his father, weep over His son, over his one-and-only, who did not deserve what he went through. I dont think I could evevn begin to imagine the pain he must have felt at having to turn away from his son as he bore the sins of the world. All I found myself thinking was that I should be dead. I have absolutely no right to be alive right now. All of that pain and agony and suffering should have been mine. I should be dead. Over and over, that's all I could think. I had to keep myself from weeping, and crying out in terror-filled thanks. I really cannot describe to you the way I felt in knowing that. Terror at knowing I could have (and still could, depending on my own choices) faced eternal death at the hands of a just, almighty God. And deeply humbled thanks. Thanks isn't even a full enough word.
Also, there are scenes throughout the show where you also see the tangible battle between Satan and Jesus, good and evil. Like when Christ is tempted in the desert. After Jesus overcomes him with the word of God and that scene ends, Satan comes back out and adresses the audience...and tells us of his plan to "steal, kill, and destroy" all of us through what he plans on doing to Jesus. Seeing and hearing that, again, had a way of making it so real.
And then, at the very end, when Jesus is held by death and the grave in Hades and he's gloating over his supposed victory, you suddenly hear the booming voice of God. God proclaims Christ as the Victor and His plan for all of us through him. And, satan is literally swept away and Jesus is given the keys of death and the grave.
At the very very end, you see Jesus ascend to heaven, and then you see angels worshipping at his throne...like the exclamation point to everything.
Wow. This really wasn't supposed to be this long. Lol! I just got so much out of being there. And I wanted to share :)
God totally used this show, this experience, to remind of so very many things I didnt even realized I had forgotten in the first place. He's humbled me, captured my heart, and even restored my awe.
And this isn't even everything. Honestly, I hadnt really even considered expecting to encounter God there. Yet He totally showed up anyway, surprised me, and invaded my heart. Isn't God absolutely amazing?? and even that word just doesnt even come close, really.
just...YAY GOD!!! :)
Anyway. I was just thinking about the day and reflecting on the show we saw. The theatre itself, the stage, live animals (even a llama!), effects and use of technology, the talent of the people portraying the characters, the music...everything worked together to create this incredible experience. My mind was boggled at how they did some of the things. Like the stars above our heads when the disciples were talking at night. They looked like they were twinkling! Or, making Jesus walk on water by somehow infusing the actual stage with a video thing of a raging sea. SO COOL!
The most amazing thing though? In the midst of all of the talent, technology, artistry, and all of the details that go into making a show like that happen, God was at the center of it all. You could sense the presence of God in that place. Even before the show began, the announcer guy over the loudspeaker shared the heart of everyone participating the show...that somehow, through the show, we (the audience) would come to know Jesus more and to have a genuine relationship with Him. I was just blown away by the heart of, really, this ministry...rather than a production.
Another cool thing. You kind of feel like you're catching a glimpse of, maybe, what it was actually like to be there. Like a window, almost...however small. Sometimes, I feel like I've read and heard those stories and Christ's Words so much, I lose my sense of awe...like all those things are suddenly normal and not amazing anymore, everyday. Even that sense of spritual warfare raging for our souls. I find that all of these things sometimes become faded and more like pretty little stories and just a bunch of nice little sayings, rather than crystal clear real-to-life testimonies of the love of God, and the genuine, bold, rock-solid truth. Somehow, being taken back into time and seeing/hearing all of these things actually happen brought them to life again.
Like when Jesus healed the crippled man. He got up and danced around full of awe excaliming " I can walk! I'm healed! I can walk! " And he had so much joy! I couldnt get over the man's joy as he did cartwheels and a backflip and tried to dance. I know they took a little creative liscence, but really, what else could he have done? Again, I found myself almost astounded by his joy. I found myself thinking....where has MY joy gone? He's healed me of my own crippled parts....like fear and doubt. And death itself. I mean, I know we're not going to be happy and have good days all the time. BUT....there still should just be that deep, deep sense of peace..of God's presence just in all things, that drives me. Instead, i find myself distracted. And because of those distractions, de-amazed and de-awed. Oh boy! How I want to be captured and full of awe.
Or when Jesus cast those demons out of Mary Magdalene. Voice tech and an amazing actress have a way of really making things seem real. There was a part where, in the middle of the demons speaking, jesus asks for the woman's name and she barely squeeks out in answer to him with her real voice. Seeing that contrast, and then seeing how strikinlgy different her posture and very her being are after Jesus tells the demons to leave just had this way of again, making that attack, that struggle, her story so much more real. And again, even in my own life. He's freed me from my own demons. How soon I forget. Or, I don't really forget....I remember. It's just again, I see that loss of reverent and joyful awe.
And there's that one scene where jesus enters into Jerusalem and the people break out into song and dance, and sing and wave palms and shout Hosana. I suddenly really, really wanted to be in heaven, and do that forever. Then, at some point the priests butt in and shout for them to stop. And Jesus' reply? "if they didn't, the rocks would cry out with praise!" Rocks? They can't hear or see or feel. Yea, they're strong. But, most rocks have little to no color and get walked (and all kinds of other stuff) on. Rocks get stuck in your shoes. How can they praise him? But then I remember. Just that fact that God created them, they have to, no MUST praise him. Again....where's my own urgency to sing His praises and shout His name? I need to be like a rock!
And then, there's the last supper. I noticed somthing I never really noticed before. That meal, that passover meal, was completely normal. Even though they were celebrating that special occasion of Passover back with Moses and the Isrealites, they still broke the same bread and drank the same wine together probably every night. God reminded me to remember him in the small things, in every single little detail of my life. Even the seemingly normal and mundane and everyday things like eating and drinking. He longs to be a part of it all.
And then, leading up to and durring his crucifixion...
1) Peter denied Christ three times, even after being told he would and refusing to beleive it. How often do I do the very same thing when I deliberately choose to disobey His voice and do what I want to do anyway? Like when I go ahead and gossip anway. Or let certain thoughts linger anyway. Or waste my time on meaningless things anyway. They are so much the same things.
2) I was struck by how much suffering and torment Jesus went through. From sweating blood and crying out to the Lord in agony, without the support of his freinds who would rather sleep than support Him. He was so alone. To carrying the cross and being mocked and cursed by the same people who saw his miracles. To carrying the weight of sin itself on his shoulders. All undeserved. When I looked at the cross at one point, in my head I could hear my sins being named as he hung there in agony. It makes your heart break. Truly, truly, truly, I did NOT, in any way shape or form, deserve what he did for me. It's so hard to even try to grasp that.
4) After he was taken off the cross, there was a scene where Mary, his mother, held him and bitterly wept over him. Suddenly, I had this thought...No one saw God, his father, weep over His son, over his one-and-only, who did not deserve what he went through. I dont think I could evevn begin to imagine the pain he must have felt at having to turn away from his son as he bore the sins of the world. All I found myself thinking was that I should be dead. I have absolutely no right to be alive right now. All of that pain and agony and suffering should have been mine. I should be dead. Over and over, that's all I could think. I had to keep myself from weeping, and crying out in terror-filled thanks. I really cannot describe to you the way I felt in knowing that. Terror at knowing I could have (and still could, depending on my own choices) faced eternal death at the hands of a just, almighty God. And deeply humbled thanks. Thanks isn't even a full enough word.
Also, there are scenes throughout the show where you also see the tangible battle between Satan and Jesus, good and evil. Like when Christ is tempted in the desert. After Jesus overcomes him with the word of God and that scene ends, Satan comes back out and adresses the audience...and tells us of his plan to "steal, kill, and destroy" all of us through what he plans on doing to Jesus. Seeing and hearing that, again, had a way of making it so real.
And then, at the very end, when Jesus is held by death and the grave in Hades and he's gloating over his supposed victory, you suddenly hear the booming voice of God. God proclaims Christ as the Victor and His plan for all of us through him. And, satan is literally swept away and Jesus is given the keys of death and the grave.
At the very very end, you see Jesus ascend to heaven, and then you see angels worshipping at his throne...like the exclamation point to everything.
Wow. This really wasn't supposed to be this long. Lol! I just got so much out of being there. And I wanted to share :)
God totally used this show, this experience, to remind of so very many things I didnt even realized I had forgotten in the first place. He's humbled me, captured my heart, and even restored my awe.
And this isn't even everything. Honestly, I hadnt really even considered expecting to encounter God there. Yet He totally showed up anyway, surprised me, and invaded my heart. Isn't God absolutely amazing?? and even that word just doesnt even come close, really.
just...YAY GOD!!! :)
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Annoyed and showerless..almost
So. I just finished exercizing and eating lunch about a half an hour ago. And I'm STILL not squeeky clean. Why? Because apparently there are people doing some kind of work outside and they hit out waterline or shut it off for some reason. AND, I have to leave at 2:15 to go to work. I seriously do NOT NOT NOT like going anywhere feeling sweaty and icky and gross still from working out. I like to go places clean!
WAIT! Mom just told me the water's back on. YYYYAAAYYYY!!!!
I can be clean :) You have no idea how glad that makes me :)
WAIT! Mom just told me the water's back on. YYYYAAAYYYY!!!!
I can be clean :) You have no idea how glad that makes me :)
Friday, February 20, 2009
Clean-up Triumph
Today at work, the other teacher and I figured out how to get 10 2 and 3 year olds to clean up all the toys. And man, it ALWAYS looks like a hurricane went through the place. It's CRAZY the amount of mess a bunch of little kids can make!
Anyway. Usually, we just say "hey it's time to clean-up!" and then we end up picking up all the toys while they keep on playing. NOT working. So, today we decided to make clean-up time more "serious". We flipped the lights to get their attention, and then had them sit in a row against the wall (the only clear space in the room). I kinda felt like I was interogating a bunch of gulity suspects....but hey, it got their attention. Then, I told them it was time to clean up, and that this time, the other teacher and I are NOT going to help. If they did a good job, they were all going to get TWO (not one!) M&Ms. Well, it actually worked!!! We had to still keep some of the kids focused and give them direction, but pretty much they all actually helped clean-up. I can't beleive it atcually worked...we were shocked! But it did! YYAAYY!!!! :)
Oh the joys of working with little kids!
Seriously though...in spite of those frustrating moments, like getting them all to help clean up or dirty diapers and endless runny noses, I really do love my job. Those kids are priceless!
Favorite moment of the day: One of the the 3 year olds, Sydney was leaving with her dad while I was talkign with a parent in the hallway. As she passed me, she said "look what I got out of the prize bucket ms. ashley! An upstairs bus!".....as she showed me a little toy double-decker bus. SO CUTE!!!!
Anyway. Usually, we just say "hey it's time to clean-up!" and then we end up picking up all the toys while they keep on playing. NOT working. So, today we decided to make clean-up time more "serious". We flipped the lights to get their attention, and then had them sit in a row against the wall (the only clear space in the room). I kinda felt like I was interogating a bunch of gulity suspects....but hey, it got their attention. Then, I told them it was time to clean up, and that this time, the other teacher and I are NOT going to help. If they did a good job, they were all going to get TWO (not one!) M&Ms. Well, it actually worked!!! We had to still keep some of the kids focused and give them direction, but pretty much they all actually helped clean-up. I can't beleive it atcually worked...we were shocked! But it did! YYAAYY!!!! :)
Oh the joys of working with little kids!
Seriously though...in spite of those frustrating moments, like getting them all to help clean up or dirty diapers and endless runny noses, I really do love my job. Those kids are priceless!
Favorite moment of the day: One of the the 3 year olds, Sydney was leaving with her dad while I was talkign with a parent in the hallway. As she passed me, she said "look what I got out of the prize bucket ms. ashley! An upstairs bus!".....as she showed me a little toy double-decker bus. SO CUTE!!!!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
First Blog!
So this is my first blog. I really don't know what to say on here. I DO though, think it's a neat way to keep in touch with people...on a more personal level I think, since you actually get to see little glimpses into their thoughts or their day. LOVE that!
Anyway. I can't believe it's already the second week in February. It's already been a week since Winterfest! Time flies so incredibly fast. Sometimes it would be nice to freeze it, just for a couple extra minutes, just to catch your breath.
Speaking of the second week... today's Valentine's Day! We had little parties for each of the classes yesterday at work. Cupcake, applesauce, and cheesypuff cheese everywhere. But the kids definately enjoyed it :)
As for today....spending some time with the youth group later at the Sadie Hawkins. Gonna be fun!
And, think I'll spend a little extra time loving the Lover of my Soul <3
Anyway. I can't believe it's already the second week in February. It's already been a week since Winterfest! Time flies so incredibly fast. Sometimes it would be nice to freeze it, just for a couple extra minutes, just to catch your breath.
Speaking of the second week... today's Valentine's Day! We had little parties for each of the classes yesterday at work. Cupcake, applesauce, and cheesypuff cheese everywhere. But the kids definately enjoyed it :)
As for today....spending some time with the youth group later at the Sadie Hawkins. Gonna be fun!
And, think I'll spend a little extra time loving the Lover of my Soul <3
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